Vowing to live life to the fullest..

I’m sure most of you have seen the movie ‘The Vow’. This was like any other chick flick. Something that I loved; like many girls do. Now this movie has more of a significant meaning. I have endured a few head injuries within my childhood, from playing sports. Not one, I would’ve ever thought would’ve had life-impacting consequences.

I am that person that looks at happy couples and craves to be like them, I wanted to open my heart in the hope of finding my happily ever after. After finishing with my long-term partner, I decided to put myself back out there. There was this guy on my university course, we had a great connection; we went on many dates, we laughed and I felt like nothing could go wrong.

One day this all changed, like any ‘lad’ they like to joke around. He decided to dragged me off of a sofa despite knowing that I have a past with head injuries. Now at this moment my head felt like it had just been hit by a bus, I presumed my head had banged on the floor but this wasn’t the case. My doctor describe this as a severe shaking of the brain. This in turn caused another concussion.

I presumed it would be like any other. That I would not fully recover but I would still be able to live my life, similar to the previous year. My gap year consisted of six countries; France, United Arab Emirates, Australia, America, Canada and Wales. I was hoping to travel on a full-time basis. This wasn’t the case, the doctor said it would be a minimum of 2 years recovery (very unlikely), maximum being never. Telling my parents that I was very luckily not to be in hospital with permanent brain damage. He added that one more would put me over the edge, my brain was hanging on a string.

This all occurring from a boy messing around, not knowing the consequences to my life. Lets just say we don’t acknowledge each other’s existence, which I can’t speak for him but is perfect for me. I have happily moved on and now back with my long-term partner, I couldn’t be happier.

This one incident has changed my life in many ways unimaginable. The thing is, I constantly live on the edge. It could’ve happened in hockey… Falling over my own feet… Walking into a door… It just happened this way.

My day-to-day life is a constant daily struggle. Impacting those I care about severely. With the help of my doctor, we’ve put together a coping strategy of which is making life easier. Despite all this, the one thing I continue to do is live my life to the fullest. Yes there’s risks to continuing to play sports, but It could happen at any moment. In a car accident when I’m driving to university or the slightest touch to my head. I try to implement the motto; To live your life scared is no life at all, To live your life with passion, adventure and love is a life worth lived.

The reason why ‘The Vow’ resonates with me, is that this situation could happen to me, very easily.

I could wake up and not remember the last 2 years of my life. To look back at the many pictures and videos of the past 2 years, to not remember the amazing memories that I have experienced. To look at my long-term partner and not know who he is. To still think I’m with an ex-boyfriend… My head is dangling on a thread, this is a very real possibility for me.

In turn it could never happen, I may ‘dodge the bullet’ of this worst case scenario. Although struggling on a day-to-day basis; to encounter those extremes would be truly heart-breaking. If it is going to happen it will.

Living my life to the fullest.. Well that’s what I have been doing and will continue to do. That is why I have created this blog. To remember.. To document… and potentially share with my future self. To show if this extreme was to happen, how much I am loved and how much I love life.


Near death experience..

My experience of cheating death.

When your life flashed before your eyes you have two choices.

To fight or to give up.

What choice do you make?

When I was 13, I had this type of encounter with death.


I was sailing one day with my best friend. We were sailing with very strong winds, coming on a run and my friend on the helm we decided to tack, the wind being so strong that it tipped the boat of which we managed to lean out and right it. Then the sail got caught by a freak wind that capsized the boat over. This sent me flying out of the boat, the sail on top of me and my friend on top of the clear sail. With my friends weight on top of the sail forcing the sail down pushing the boat to sink into a turtle position. With my life jacket pushing me up, the sail pushing me down I was stuck within no mans land. Under the water for a good couple of minutes, my life flashed before my eyes, I felt as if I was under for a very long time. I knew that the only way of getting out was to work my way backwards and work my way up the sail as I had ropes within every other direction, that I may have gotten caught on. I saw my friend so clearly, her frightened  demeanour and  frantically trying to get off the sail as she could see me drowning on the other side. I could see her vividly shouting. I was surprisingly extremely compossed, scared but I knew I had to conserve my energy. With my friend on the sail and not able to get off it surprising helped as it allowed me to push against something, with the lifejacket pushing me up I manipulated this and pushed using my hands, feet and other part of my body to push back and down. This momentum of pushing down and back, with my lifejacket pushing me up towards the sail allowed me to keep a good rhythm to work my way up the sail. I kept on doing this until I lost sight of my friend or which was a sign that I was getting closer to the top of the sail. As I could feel my last bit of oxygen leaving my body I knew that I had one big push to make to get myself out from under the sail. To my relief I escaped just in time with that one big last push. My breath of relief getting to the surface, in shock from what had happened and shattered from the work that I had just put in. I got dragged into the speedboat, give a towel and brought into shore straight away. My mum heard all of this happening from shore via the radio. Little did she know that the missing head would be her daughters. I got taken home and monitored for secondary drowning still extremely shaken up. My friend also shaken up and just like me she relived those moments as nightmares for months on end.


This one moment made me realise how much my life meant to me, how much I needed to be thankful for and to life my life the best that I could as you never know when it could be taken away from you. To this day I am very proud of the person that I have shaped into, to fight for life and to be thankful for the people and opportunities that I am blessed to be surrounded with. In result to this, I have been afraid of going under the water for so long as I encountered many flash backs but I conquered that fear last year when I did underwater deep sea lifeguard training. I fully embrace the challenges that I have faced and the strength within myself to overcome these obstacles. It took me 5 years to be fully confident under the water without panicking and now I couldn’t love the water more. When you are afraid or scared of anything, face it head on and see the outcome as you might be surprised at how much strength is within you and how much you can overcome if you set your mind to it.


What is love to you?


What is it’s definition?


To define love is one of the most challenging projects of all time. It requires many versions of the theory as there are many kinds of love. Love for ones birth family, ones made family, of friends and of life. The greatest kind of love was for me meeting my partner. This kind of love is rare. Not many get experience a love of this level, that impacts your life incredibly. To have a connection so deep it is unexplainable, that’s it hits you like a tonne of bricks when you least expect it and in the perfect or wrong time but all worth it. All of those hard times worth it for that one moment of impact. Turning your world upside, changing what you thought about love. Love for me hit me just like that. Just like those move types of love, it creeped up on me when I least expected it. I had a longing for his company, a constant excitement and care for this person that I hardly knew. All contagiously to the point where to even contemplate a life without them is just unbearable. You see your future so clearly, like it is a replaying memory of the past over and over again within your mind until it becomes the norm.


I met this love love on the 3rd floor of the mailbox, I was reading a song and a gentleman introduced himself, he was nervously trembling but calmly composed and had a gorgeously happy smile with a cheeky edge. After the hello’s he gave me some beautiful flowers which was unexpected. Q restaurant was situated cross so we went in for dinner. We talked for ages to the point where you could see the waitress getting frustrated with the fact that we hadn’t yet ordered. After the beautiful meal, we went for walk along the canal, our mini trip to Venice. For what seemed like a couple of minute’s walk; was actually a good hour. It was all blurred as my eyes were fixated. Musicians were playing along the canal; the scenery was all phenomenally lit with the most spectacular lighting from not just the boats but from the streets too. Our quaint mini trip to Venice was one filled of a passionate unexpected first kiss where sparks flew, of nearly tripping over ones’ feet due to being so taken with my company and finding out a little snippet about this gentleman. Still so composed and radiating confidence that stood before me. Trembling, excitable and a cheeky look that I felt at home with. He walked me back to my car and we said our goodbyes, I craved more time but hoped that I would see him again of which I did.


This little moment of impact shaped my life, my priorities and my character changed. It was as if I had an inner glow, like someone had set me on fire. I remember this moment of impact so clearly, like it was yesterday. I was me and he loved me for it, he accepted my inner weirdness, views, morals and outlook on life. He appreciated my passions, hopes and dreams of which gave me the extra confidence to open up and trust in the person before me. To be unapologetically myself and still be loved for it. One of my favourite experiences was this moment and it showed me that I was on the right path.


Now this kind of love is something to hold on to because it is an incredibly rare experience. To love, be loved and to have that connection of which is truly remarkable.


I re-fall in love with this gentleman every day that I spend with him.

This all came from a risk, of putting myself out there and letting fate play a role within my life. Without this leap of fate I would not have met this wonderful man and have him within my life; so the next time you think about doing something, please do it! As you never know the outcome that could come out of it.




Planning a wedding…

Planning for a wedding…

This is truly one of the most stressful but amazing experiences that you could do. Don’t worry it’s not my wedding, I’m still single… I’ve been on many dates but no one to sweep me off of my feet just yet, there’s plenty of time so what’s the rush. You never know I may meet someone at the wedding, here’s hoping. So after a lot of winding up I finally got asked by my twin sister to be maid of honor. Yes Maid of Honor!!! Not that I’m happy or anything… So back to planning the wedding, yes my sister likes to plan most things by herself but occasionally asks for my help, which i love. Now we all know those opinionated people that you get with there expectations and ideas of what they think the wedding should include. The odd suggestion is all well and good but having lots of expectations and opinions well that’s just provoking an argument. Luckily in this instance there are mature level heads despite the provoking.

If your going into wedding planning make sure you have good foundations with the people around you, as it will certainly test and push any relationship to the brink of despair. In order to keep a good relationship with the bride.

1) Listen
2) Don’t say your opinion unless asked
3) If asked look at the bride to see their expressions and body language incase she loves it
4) If you truly dislike something don’t say it but suggest an alternative
5) Keep both yourself and the bride calm
6) Make fun memories
7) Keep the drinks full
8) Let her know how much you want to help
9) Give good advice
10) Keep her happy and act as a distraction if necessary
11) Have a back up suggestion for tv shows or movies to binge incase stress level exceeds normal amounts

My secret to a happy Bride.. I hope you enjoy!


Fresher Touring Italy…

Second Post…

University tour as a fresher…

Make sure your with a good bunch of girls, that won’t pressure you to drink 24/7 and respect the words ‘no’. Typically as a fresher you get parents or others that have already been through their first year, be careful some of the 2nd or 3rd years take the authority to their heads, so make sure you go with gives that respect you as ‘friends’ rather than ‘freshers’ and that will be there if anything occurs. The odd initiation ritual if you’re with the right group of girls is fine, you can still have fun and do crazy things but it should be as a group.

My freshers tour consisted of a 26 hour journey each way from the Midlands, England to Rimini, Italy. We drove through the stunning scenery of Switzerland and the fruitful farm lands of France, all the way to our final destination. We had a night dedicated half-way through the tours to initiations, this consisted of a ‘shit mix’ and rules from your parents. I ended up with a full english breakfast taped to my body as well as a nappy. I may of also eaten 3 day pizza without realising it was 3 days old. Throughout this the girls that we were with never forced us to do anything that we didn’t want to do, they were very respectful whilst doing the crazy things that we did, sex position competition etc.

Some of the other university antics consisted of questionable rules such as drinking religiously constantly through the day, to crawling completely naked on the beach to skinny dipping, massaging etc.

The highlight of my tour was waking up for one of the sunrises, to see the place that we were in within its full beauty. Fate also came into play, I met one of my new best friends on the bus. He is absolutely amazing. A new thing also occurred, I found my happiness. I found the thing that makes me feel alive and that is travelling, making a realisation that my relationship was toxic and a negative environment. Having a discussion with my partner at that time my concerns, with the issues still occuring I realised that it wasn’t the right situation to be in, and subsequently we ended things so that he could go and find the things that makes him happy. It was one of the hardest, yet best decisions of my life.

I couldn’t be in a much happier place the only thing missing is a happy relationship, which one day will come. You never know I may of already met him…